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God, the Best Conflict Manager
Before getting married, a friend told me, “One of the keys to a successful marriage is learning how to fight.” When learning about conflict management—especially during marriage counseling—variations of, “do not go to bed angry” are likely to be heard. Ephesians 4:26 speaks to this biblical principle, but it is just as important to recognize that all conflict situations are different. Some situations are tiny and can be resolved in the moment or during that day. While others are larger and may take multiple days to process emotions and talk. That is where, “be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent. Selah Offer right sacrifices, and put your trust in the Lord” (Psalm 4:4-5) is key advice.
God understands that everyone handles conflict differently. I am an extrovert which means I usually have to talk in order to be able to process through my emotions. Meanwhile, introverts might need some quiet reflection time on their own before they are able to properly have an emotional conversation. As an extrovert and a people pleasing conflict hater, I have a temptation to want to rush conversation and push for a resolution so that things will go back to the status quo. If I get anxious or nervous and succumb to my temptation then, the Bible accurately predicts my future circumstances when it says, “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” (Proverbs 29:20) During conflict management, understanding how to properly handle things is just as important as when.
Regarding how to manage our conflict, Psalm 4:4-5 has told us to, “offer right sacrifices” and put our trust in God. As Christians, we are to be “living sacrifices” in Romans 12:1. If we combine these two verses then we can conquer our anger without sinning and manage our conflict by focusing on God and turning His teachings into action. I have used: prayer, reading Bible verses, giving space, cleaning, biblical meditation, active listening, music, thinking of compassion, drawing for myself or others, slow breathing, and self-reflection as ways to subdue my emotions so that I can righteously resolve conflict.
Psalm 62:6-8 reads, “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah.” Having trust in God is another important key to solving conflict because He is the source of hope. Situations may not always be as smooth or have the outcome we desire, but with God there is the strongest possibility that they will turn out that way, or at least advantageous. He also will be the greatest help in uplifting us in order to learn from our mistakes and move forward.
